Even though your relationship is worth ending, divorce is still painful. It’s a loss at its core. You lose the partner you expected to spend the rest of your life with. You lose a union that could have been meaningful. You probably lost yourself in the haze and daze of court appearances and paperwork. The irony is that for you to move on and heal from this loss, you should “lose” a lot more. You need to let go of the following things:
This also includes all the bitter feelings, from frustration and guilt to regret and bitterness. You can never welcome this new chapter in your life if you’re holding on to these unpleasant emotions. The thing about anger is that it comes not entirely from a sense of aggression but a place of hurt. You’re angry at your ex, the court, or the world because you probably were mistreated in one way or another. Perhaps he cheated. Maybe the judge ruled unfairly to your ex’s favor. You want to stay in that bitter feeling because you feel like that’s the only way you can be dignified from what you experienced. Anger is also like a safety net. It keeps you from feeling that hurt. By nurturing that rage, the pain won’t sting. But holding onto anger won’t do any good in the long run. You will never have peace. It can feel like a comfort zone, but gradually, it will destroy your physical and mental well-being. What you have to do is acknowledge the hurt behind the anger but also let go of it after grieving.
Rings and reminders
A lot of divorcees surprisingly overlook this. As a result, they have so many “mind intruders” in their home. You pull out a drawer, and you see your ex’s diamond ring gift at your last anniversary. You clean your kitchen, and you find the first bottle of wine you finished when you moved into your family home. All these are triggers for memories of your ex, your failed marriage, and the what-could-have-beens, which aren’t exactly helpful in moving on. So when the court battle is over, make a home purge your priority. It would be better if you were able to strike a deal with your ex to sell the family house. You’ll be able to get extra cash and set up your new life elsewhere. The change in scenery will do wonders in your goal to move on. Get help from professional, long-distance movers. The last thing you need after getting stressed out in court is pulling your hair out as you move to a new home.
After divorce, you will expect to get lucky in your next life, that things will go your way after being hurt in the past. Also, you might expect to experience the same tragedy. You have to let go. Leaning on to the too-optimistic view will blind you from the red flags in dating. At the same time, having a defeatist perspective will keep you from enjoying life. So instead of staying on the extremes, have a balanced look at things: welcome the possibility of new love but acknowledge the possibility of failure in the process.
It’s a real loss when you break up with the love of your life. But it’s also a gift in a way since you have the opportunity to let go. Learn to set yourself free from these things so that you can live better.